Product Review: Spam Can Opener


January 29, 2015

Picked up another can of steel core light ball last week for the sole purpose of opening my very first spam can. I thought I’d keep the lid a memento for this new and highly contagious addiction, so I thought I’d try to carefully open it going sideways…
The fragrant trapped air from ’78 hissed forth like the hopes of the Pacer winning “Car of The Year”. It was a glorious day where Capitalism and Communism mingled happily and rounds were to soon to be dispatched in joy…
Then, reality set in.
The corners refused to give. Carpal tunnel was beginning to set in and the first lap wasn’t a third of the way complete. The edges were beginning to look like a modern art rendition of Jaws and Steve Buscemi’s dental work made out of razor wire and shrapnel.
“You need gloves, dude,” came way too late as I carefully rounded Corner number 3 and hit the straightaway. The lid was getting mangled, but better it than me. I needed a lightsaber. Or that spam can pillow off of Amazon. Corner #4. No cuts. Lid not giving away… at all.
Corner #5… The can has eroded the bedliner from my lowered tailgate due to the spinning, cursing, poking, and prying…
Corner #6. Learned the opener can bend, twist, and do everything BUT nicely open a spam can…
Corner #7. Forget it. Next time, I’m doing it the right way.
Find a better way if you want to keep the entire lid. Well worth the experience, but being an accidental blood donor can ruin range day.


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