Do You Want to Know Why?

I want you to take a look at this.

pic.twitter.com/sD845fykRw

— Walmart Battle Orc (@ASo1omons) December 2, 2023

I want to share the sources for consideration:

Trends in Active-Duty Military Deaths From 2006 Through 2021

U.S. Active Duty Military Deaths by Year and Manner

I want you to understand my perspective.

I first became an NCO in January 2005 – Bagram, Afghanistan. One of the questions posed to me at the promotion board months before was why I thought I was ready to become an NCO. It was overdue, really – I had been in the Army since February 1996 and had my Aircraft Crewman Badge (yeah, I’m one of those folks who never really embraced the renaming to “Army Aviation Badge”) before stripes.

One of the first corrections I sustained by my much-beloved First Sergeant not long after was a gentle admonishment:

“Yo. You can’t swear at the troops.”

I was stunned. We were old-school NCOs. We were the product of NCOs who had witnessed the end of the Vietnam War and the subsequent drawdowns/buildups/drawdowns since that conflict. My first Platoon Sergeant routinely went on very eloquent and profane tirades when one’s performance (or effort at Ultimate Football) was lacking.

“What the fuck, Top?! We are here in Afghanistan, with fucking bullets, rockets, and that dumb-assed CW2 trying to get us killed… and language is a fucking problem?”

I would never take such liberty with just any senior leader, mind you. This was a man who defined the relationship between leadership and respect… someone I would gladly still follow down the barrel of a loaded cannon (though neither of us are as nimble or…[ahem] trim… as we were back then.

“What can I say? New fuckin’ Army, man. Anyway… let’s fix this shit…”

I want you to look back at that infographic and consider the possible correlation between the suicide rate amongst Active Duty (it would be interesting if they included the Veteran community as well) and the trends towards a softer and more gentler society and – because it is a cross section of the culture it draws from – military.  

History is full of examples of our own resiliency. Pick a conflict… pick a drastic economic downturn… pick any day in the life of someone 50, 100, 500, 1000 years ago and you will find stories of acceptance, resilience, and determination to not just survive, but to thrive and strive towards a better tomorrow. We did what we did IN SPITE OF everything we did to ourselves, wherever we ended up calling home, whatever Mother Nature threw at us, or whatever astronomical odds we found ourselves facing.

We didn’t try to change the world. We adapted to it.

We always have, and despite what some folks today will try to convince you by flaunting the next antidepressant, the next antianxiety medication, the next self-help book, the next therapy… despite that, we will continue to adapt and be as resilient as possible.

Let me be clear: those tools may be beneficial… but they are just that – tools. Buying a hammer doesn’t build your house, after all.

I want you to consider what we have lost.

Yes, we have lost Active Duty, Veterans, first responders, and many folks in high-stress/high-reliability fields to their own hands… but we have lost something even as important along the way:

Our sense of tenacity. Our sense of purpose. Our determination. Our thick fucking skin to protect us from the outside world.

Our resiliency.

We got soft. Many of us cannot fathom how something simple like drinking water fit into daily life a century ago because we got used to the luxury of on-demand water (rant on the abject failures of the leadership of Jackson, MS and Flint, MI deferred to a later date)… We cannot understand how the language of our Grandparent’s time… or even our youth… is now considered “triggering” for some folks (go on, Disney… since you’re regurgitating old animated movies, go on and do “Song of the South”… I dare ya). We cannot be selective/limiting in what we share and we cannot refrain from criticizing when someone shares too much or shares that which we disagree with… and when the consequences are too much, we cannot deal with the obvious and expected consequences of our words.

One of the comments to the original Tweet asked what we all ask when service and suicide comes up:

“Why?”

Sometimes, folks don’t want to accept one possible answer:

“Why not? What tools have we given to prevent it? What cultural and societal strengths do we train, encourage, and reinforce why this is an unnecessary and tragic and permanent solution to an immediate and (sometimes) temporary problem? What do we truly expect when we, as a whole, cannot deal with something as simple as mean words?”

You want to know “Why”?

You might be better off inquiring “How can I stop this?” or “How can I help?” or even just stop and fucking listen. They may tell you… they may not… but at least that is a simple first step to a better solution for all.